Let's start from the beginning. It was a nice, summer night, we were settling in for a quiet night at home when all of a sudden we started making...oh wait! Let's not start at that beginning. That might be too graphic and, well, I'll wait awhile.
She took the pregnancy test, told me it only came out with 1.5 lines instead of two. I buy her two boxes of the electronic tests. First one says 'Pregnant' within 12 seconds. I declare that test defective. She takes another. Same result. You know what, that entire box is defective. She takes three more tests before I'm convinced. Convinced to buy more tests. That entire brand is defective. Luckily, cooler heads (hers) prevail and we're off to see the doc.
Waltzing into the doctors office and I still mistrust those tests. I don't care if the box says that they are right 93% of the time. What about that 7%?! We're in that 7%. Right?! Maybe she just has positive pregnancy pee. I eye her shiftily heading in wandering if she ate some positive pregnancy food pre-testing (say that three times fast). Poppy maybe? It does it for drug tests, so why not the other pee test.
The doctor confirms it. She's in on it too. But she knows my kryptonite. I have a weakness for technology. She shows us a live in utero feed. There's his little heartbeat fluttering on the monitor. It's real. Seriously, it's f-ing real. He, she, its...well...what the heck is it doc? Ah, it's about the size of a Jellybean. A jellybean with a heartbeat. Gross. Nothing and I mean nothing prepares you for that moment. It takes your breath away. Thus begins our story.
